World's worst poet

The world’s worst poet is Guistaffe Archburger, of Brussels in Belgium. He was awarded the title by a panel of judges in 1953, in recognition of his work The Belly-Dancer’s Colanders. This epic, 732-page work recounts a journey from his studio to the local street market to buy a sack of cat litter. Accepting the award, Archburger declared, “Some would be ashamed of collecting this award. I am far too pretentious to care. I would like to thank the panel, as I had not even realised that every line in the poem ended with the word ‘fortnight’ until they pointed it out.”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

World's biggest piece of cheese

The world’s biggest piece of cheese was made by Hamza Akhrash, a Kazakhstani farmer between January and July 1995. Hamza told the national news programme he produced the hunk of Gouda, weighing 3.4 metric tonnes, “because my home town lacked a tourist attraction. Now I hope the council will be able to build a municipal swimming baths.”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Most dangerous Music

The world’s most dangerous music is the “post-industrial-folk-prog-jazz-blood-rock-fusion-muzack” of Onasis Pippins and The Grotty Supply Cupboard, of Switzerland. Their music has been known to cause such severe bleeding of the eardrums that members of the crowd at their concerts have been known to drown. In 1982, one fan, Pierre Schashlik, was deafened by running his finger along the outer rim of their LP There’s a Firebomb in my Baby’s Crevice.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Biggest snot bubble

The biggest nasal mucus bubble was blown by 5-year old Zeke McCluskin of Melbourne, Australia in June 1989. His brother Samuel said, “Zeke started crying when he realised I lied about Hulk Hogan coming to our school, and at first we just wanted him to stop, because he always gets a big snot bubble and it’s gross. But then after 15 minutes the bubble was still getting bigger, so I told my cousin Bill to get a ruler and a camera. Zeke nearly stopped crying while Bill was away, so I had to poke him with a stick a few times, and the bubble actually got bigger.” The final bubble measured 28.7cm across. Although the boys insist the bubble didn’t pop for 32 minutes, the record still stands with Anil Bulpa of Bangalore, India, who sustained a bubble for 3 hours 17 minutes and 20 seconds in 1964.

EDIT:

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copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Town with most Fire Stations

The town with the most Fire Stations is Guantalolopea, in Venezuela, which has 17 stations within its 5 mile square borders, due to an article in the town charter demanding that a new station be built every 11 years. Mayor Hector Valzabamor said, “The last time we tried to change the article in the charter, it resulted in three houses falling into the river. Some say it was the hurricane, but we decided it was safer to keep building stations.” The record was previously held by Slopjke, a town in Croatia, which had 21 stations all on one block. However, 5 were destroyed when a Fire Engine exploded in its bay in 2001, due to a portable toaster being left plugged into the cigarette lighter on the dashboard for 17 hours.
copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Most Kinder Egg Surprises

The record for most Kinder Egg Surprise toys is 52, 514, owned by Martin Parsley of Norwich. Asked about his collection, he said, “I started collecting them in 1984, but the funny thing is, it wasn’t until 1991 that I realised there were toys in the little yellow thingies, so you can imagine my surprise!”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Longest Goal Celebration

The longest ever goal celebration lasted 3 months. In the final match of the season between the Spanish local league clubs San Leppe and El Porcos on the 15^th June 1982, Porcos midfielder Salvatore Despuidas scored an injury-time winner, helping his club avoid relegation. Removing his shirt, he ran screaming off the pitch, straight down the road to a Carmelite monastery, where he took a vow of silence and became a monk. It was assumed that he’d left the club, but, during a training session before El Porcos’ first match of the next season, Despuidas appeared, running, screaming onto the pitch, wearing the same kit he’d worn on the 15^th of June, and took a place on the substitutes bench. When his story made the local paper he told the interviewer, 

“I promised myself that if I scored I would have a very special celebration. This came to me in a flash, and although I maybe regretted it at a couple of points, I felt I had to see it through.”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin