The Fattest Ninja

The fattest ninja ever was Kenji Musoka, according to records from the 13th Century. He achieved this distinction while on an assassination mission, when he found himself trapped in a barrel of lychee syrup. Using stealth-breathing techniques, Musoka was able to hold his breath while submerged in the syrup for 4 hours, but after that period, was required to start consuming the syrup, in order to breath. After gaining room to breath, he was still unable to move, and so had to consume the rest of the syrup, until he was able to escape from the barrel, now weighing 21 stone. Despite the dramatic weight-gain, Musoka was still able to complete his mission to assassinate the mayor of the town of Shizuka.

Musoka is remembered by some fringe groups in Japan to this day, and is remembered and honoured in the form of 'waga ninjas', soft dolls which take the appearance of a fat ninja. This example was photographed by Annie Mole.

 ©2011 James Mathurin

Time-travelling Blaxploitation cinema

In 1974, Danny Myzchniki, a business associate of Frances Ford Coppolla, pitched a Time-travelling Blaxploitation movie called A Bitch in Time Saves Mine to various studios. While he went on record as believing it was, "a mind-blowing polygamous marriage of science fiction, gangster epic, medieval murder-mystery and martial arts," no studio would take a chance on it, despite Myzchniki having cast the main roles, and paid for filming several scenes out of his own pocket, including the climactic '5-Dimensional P-Funk concert', where the hero, 'Pimp-Daddy Chronio', played by Sylas Dawson, a local musician leads a band consisting of a 16th Century Shaolin monk on slap-bass, an Arthurian knight on drums, a 25th Century space explorer on lead guitar, and his "hos" Tick and Tock on brass in a "jam for the ages" against a "Robo-Demon from ancient Greece."

Sylas Dawson, playing "Pimp-Daddy Chronio", in one of the few completed scenes from A Bitch in Time Saves Mine. Photo provided by joelogon.

 ©2011 James Mathurin