Most convoluted Rhyming slang

The record for most convoluted example of Rhyming Slang was set by ‘Dodgy’ Danny Phillips at the 2001 Cockney Games in Hackney, London. He constructed a sequence of 92 phrases, which led from “Neo-conservative” to “Polyphonic ring tone.”

‘Dodgy’ Danny Phillips pictured here celebrating his victory, which saw him unseat the encumbent champion Eddie 'Berkshire Hunt' Andrews. Photo by law_keven

©2009 James Mathurin

Fotheringtonistan

The smallest nation in the world is Fotheringtonistan. This tiny nation has no citizens, and is located within the borders of Kenya. It exists as a result of a disputed land contract signed by British explorer, entrepreneur, slave trader, and fish tycoon, Martin Roberts-Roberts-Fotherington, on 11th April 1804. Roberts-Roberts-Fotherington was so outraged when he found out that the contract, which he had re-mortgaged his second-largest Haddock-trawler to pay for, only covered an area comprised of 3.24 square metres on the side of a hill, that he renounced his British citizenship, and declared the patch of land to be an independent republic, upon which he would settle and rule. Unfortunately, his boat sank on the journey to his republic, when it collided with the edge of Africa. His wife, Edith, insisted that the land remain independent, and created both a flag and national anthem for Fotheringtonistan. Despite the family refusing to alter the status of the country, it is not actually recognised by the United Nations or any other country, and has not been retaken by the Kenyan government only because they say it is “useless”.

This fence, photographed in 1974 by TW Angel representes the entire Western border of Fotheringtonistan.

©2009 James Mathurin

Most teeth lost in an hour

The highest number of teeth lost in one hour was 27, by Art “Bridges” McBride, 37, of New Jersey, in the United States of America. At 11:30 AM, on June 25th 1984, Art had just had his 6-monthly company health check-up, at the Smilin’ Uncle Bernie Hubcap Corporation’s New York State Headquarters, and it was confirmed that he had 29 teeth, all healthy. At 12:17 PM, however, he had checked into his local hospital’s Emergency Room, with only 2 teeth remaining, his 2nd upper and lower molars. Although it was suspected that he had either knocked them out himself, had got into a fight, or sold them on the Black Market, there was no sign of physical trauma, or even bleeding, which seemed to discount all of these possibilities. McBride said, “I have no idea what happened. The first I knew was when I went to bite into a carrot and meatball ciabbatta, and all I could do was make this slurping sound. What really worries me is if there’s some jerk out there, running around with my teeth.”

McBride, pictured three weeks before the 'Ciabatta Incident'. Photo courtesy of Spiky Gaijin

©2009 James Mathurin

The record for shouting “Cha cha taxi Chi chi”

The record for shouting “Cha cha taxi Chi chi” most times in 52 seconds was set by Cyril Barnaby, 58, from Chipperwick, Hants in 1985, which he directd at Jenss Tjóblid, the visiting mayor of Bornbild, the Danish town with which Chpperwick is twinned. He later told his local newspaper, “It started out as a joke, but it quickly became my passion. I feel I’ve left a legacy for my grandchildren, and I hope it will persuade Britons not to go into the EEC.”

Cyril Barnaby pictured half way through his record-breakig attempt, captured by indepedent news organisation, closelyobserved.

©2009 James Mathurin

The largest number of phones to explode in one house in one year

The largest number of phones to explode in one house in one year is 24, in 1997. It was in the house of Mary Davies, a resident of Columbus, Ohio. She told her local news channel, “A lot of people have said it was because of my pet Bush Baby, Bronson, marking them as his territory, but I think this is how angels communicate with us.”

Bronson, pictured in his habitat, which is now required by local ordnance to be kept at least 15 metres from any telephonic device. Photo courtesy of Eggybird

©2009 James Mathurin

Fights in a pre-match boxing press conference

The most number of fights to break out in a pre-match boxing press conference was 17, before a 1999 bout in London between Clarence ‘Badger Baiter’ McFadden and Jimbo ‘Peter’ Thatchell. Because of the promoter’s insistence that the conference be finished, it eventually lasted 1 hour and 44 minutes, although by the end, all but 3 members of the press had evacuated the conference hall. A further 31 fights broke out as the players returned to their hotel. Thatchell’s manager, Moses Jones, said, “with hindsight, we knew there was bad blood between the boys after one of Jimbo’s mates sold Badger’s mum a dodgy amplifier, so getting them adjoining rooms was a silly mistake on my part.”

Manager Moses Jones is led to meet Clarence ‘Badger Baiter’ McFadden's mother to offer her a new amplifier as a 'peace offering'. Photo by fredcamino.

©2008 James Mathurin

Kangaroo lapping an inflatable Kit-Kat

The world record for the largest number of laps by a kangaroo around a giant inflatable Kit-Kat is 754. It was set in a 12-hour stint by ‘Handsome Marvin’, a kangaroo owned by Dirk Foscombe, of New South Wales, Australia, on June 15th 2000. The record was unintentionally caught on camera by a local news crew, who were present to film the giant balloon, a star attraction at the Dirthump Town Fair. Mister Foscombe said, “Of course I’m chuffed that Handsome Marvin is a world record holder, but I’m well out of pocket. I hired that Kit-Kat myself, and only a couple of kiddies got on it before Marvin started circling it.” Asked why his kangaroo had done such a thing, Mr. Foscombe could only say, “His eyesight’s not that great. Maybe he thought it was Digger, my sheepdog who died last year. I’ve tried to explain it to Marvin, but he just can’t let him go.”

Marvin, pictured with owner Dirk Foscombe, on holiday in Europe in 2001. Picture courtesy of travisreitter

©2009 James Mathurin