The smallest recorded cardboard box

The smallest recorded cardboard box was constructed by Kenyan chartered accountant Manse Oskalja, in April 2004. The finished box measured 3mm by 4mm by 3mm. Oskalja said, “This is actually a bigger box than 3 which I constructed over the last 5 years, but I accidentally inhaled 2 of them, and my dog sat on the third, rendering it invalid in the Assessor’s opinion. I am glad to have set the record, but I will not be happy until I have repeated the feat of my previous, lost, boxes.”

©2008 James Mathurin

Most Pointless insult on vinyl

The most pointless insult ever recorded on vinyl was spoken by Inuit Peppor Kummel in May 1954. A visiting documentary maker recorded her telling her neighbour, “Your niece wears Azerbaijani slippers on Thursdays!” Asked about the meaning, she said, “It may seem meaningless to you, but she knows what I meant, and I feel very strongly about it.”

©2008 James Mathurin

Longest a telephone has been left off the hook

The longest a telephone was ever left to ring without being answered was 17 months and 5 days. It was due to Marcia Luffoni of Parma, Italy calling her boyfriend, Luca Baggabona before they set off on a round-the-world cruise on 5^th June 1975. “I called Luca to ask him to remember to bring his Gucci verruca sock, but before he answered I remembered I had forgotten to pack my Prada travel insurance document holder.” Unbeknownst to Marcia, Luca had already left his house, so his telephone went unanswered. Luca arrived at Marcia’s house before she returned to her telephone, and they left in a hurry, as they were running late. Thus, Marcia’s telephone remained off the hook, and Luca’s rang until he returned home on the 10^th November 1976. “I am just glad the phone was ringing, and not answered,” Luca said later, “As even our combined salaries could not have paid off such a bill.”

©2008 James Mathurin

Most appearances by a dead Soccer player

The football player who made the most number of appearances after dying was Greenlander Olkvijk Hamtlov, who died of an aneurysm in February 1992, aged 32. His embalmed corpse was played in goal for five matches by his club Bumblebee 1802, during which they conceded only 7 goals. The corpse was also selected for one international fixture, but was only an unused substitute. His club manager, Berf Volbenagg told the press, “Some have accused us of only picking Olkvijk so he could win this record, but his selection was purely tactical. I am glad this happened in winter, as we would not have been able to play him for as long as we did in a warmer month.”

©2008 James Mathurin

Fingers in a hippo's mouth

The world record for the highest amount of fingers stuck in the mouth of an aroused hippopotamus was set by staff at the Algerian State zoo in May, 2003. The Hippopotamus keeper, Aliah Ammash, said, “We’ve no idea how it got started, but it seemed like every other day someone managed to get their fingers stuck in Trudy’s [the hippopotamus in question] mouth. After a while we started to keep a record of it, but we were astounded when there were as many as 32 people, all with fingers stuck in there!” The zoo has since bought an animatronic hippopotamus mouth to commemorate the achievement. “It’s good, as many people simply do not realise how big a Hippo’s mouth is until they’re stuck in there,” commented Ms. Ammash.

©2008 James Mathurin

Smallest Mass Wedding

The smallest mass wedding was conducted by the Muggy Cult of Lisbon, Portugal in May 2004. The Cult leader, Luis De Stanza, had prophesied 5 years earlier that he would perform 3,000 wedding ceremonies for his followers on that day, but since he only had 7 followers, and 4 of them were men, according to the laws of his religion, he had to marry 3 of the men to the 3 women, and then perform 2,997 ceremonies between himself and the 3 women. When one of the women, Nannetta Costa, left the cult later that year, she sued De Stanza for divorce 999 times, on 1,998 counts of bigamy, bankrupting both him and the cult.
©2008 James Mathurin

Worst car-parker

The worst car-parker in the world is Belgian Japer Softop, 56. After trying to Parallel Park outside his office, in Brussels, in May 2002, he and his car were found in a ditch just outside Tours, in central France.
©2008 James Mathurin