Most Pointless insult on vinyl Infographic

Politeness may cost nothing, but it doesn't get you into the history books.

©2015 James Mathurin

The most sarcastic piece of correspondence Infographic

A sarcastic piece of European history, originally posted in 2010.

©2014 James Mathurin

The most sarcastic piece of correspondence

The most sarcastic piece of correspondence was the infamous Go ahead and invade then, you green-tongued coward parchment, written by King Osingwald III of the Ostrogoths to Emperor Maxwell V of The Bulgars in 543AD. Although the two were childhood friends, Osingwald sent a messenger to Maxwell, whose message consisted of 15 pages of insults, after which the messenger, as instructed, dropped his britches and mooned the Emperor, who promptly invaded Luxembourg. Folklore has it that, just before being bludgeoned to death with his messenger’s severed rear-end, Osingwald wailed, “I didn’t think he’d take it that way!”

This frieze was produced by the court of King Osingwald to commemorate his insult of Emperor Maxwell. Academics have speculated that the figures around the face represent specific insults from the parchment, such as the one pictured on the left here, which seems to show Maxwell in an improper embrace with a dog or wolf. None of the figures, however, shed any light for the motivation for the insults. Photograph from the Cåsver collection.

©2010 James Mathurin

Most Pointless insult on vinyl

The most pointless insult ever recorded on vinyl was spoken by Inuit Peppor Kummel in May 1954. A visiting documentary maker recorded her telling her neighbour, “Your niece wears Azerbaijani slippers on Thursdays!” Asked about the meaning, she said, “It may seem meaningless to you, but she knows what I meant, and I feel very strongly about it.”

©2008 James Mathurin