Worst car-parker

The worst car-parker in the world is Belgian Japer Softop, 56. After trying to Parallel Park outside his office, in Brussels, in May 2002, he and his car were found in a ditch just outside Tours, in central France.
©2008 James Mathurin

Most naked people seen out of the corner of an eye

The most recorded naked people seen out of one person's eyes was 75 during a 58 day period in October 1996. Such a precise measurement is possible because the person in question was Australian policeman Sean Maduire, and each occurrence was recorded in his official reports as an occurrence of indecent public exposure. After two months Maduire was convinced that there was a ring of radical hippie nudist performance artists operating in Melbourne, but when he tried to create a special police task force to deal wit them, a combination of optical and psychiatric therapy demanded by his superiors revealed that no more than three of his reports related to actual events. Maduire was required to take a 2 month vacation on half pay, and then returned to active duty.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Worst Bargain

The worst bargain ever is officially recognised as being the 2002 transaction between Kim Jong-Il, the ruler of North Korea, and an anonymous seller on the website ebay.com, of a third of his country’s GDP for the year, in exchange for a video boxset of the BBC situation comedy The Vicar of Dibley. When the seller took a month to post the item to him, Kim left them negative feedback on the website, threatening to bomb Somerset in retribution for the perceived insult.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Worst Theme Party

The worst ever theme party was thrown in 1996 by the Kwik Stop Service Station Corporation. Their Christmas party that year was a “normal day at work” party. When the staff had finished working they were taken, by coach, to another Kwik Stop Service Station, which was closed for the evening (for fumigation due to start the next day, because of an infestation of Earwigs), where they waited, in uniform, behind counters and tills, serving the management for 4 hours, with a 15 minute “themed lunch break window”, in which they could sit in the unventilated staff room, where the coffee machine was set to ‘free vend’. The vending machine in question had run out of Bovril. Although staff were told they could be fired if they did not return to their till on time, or if they left early, they were told they would not be paid. “Who would seriously expect us to pay our staff to attend their own party?” asked the regional manager, Phillip Strubb. The company was able to claim a tax rebate on the cost of the evening by claiming it as “business expenses”.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

The most pointless conspiracy

The most pointless conspiracy ever was carried out by the people of the town of Manjchien, in Namibia. During the mayoral re-election campaign of 1998, the townsfolk, the mayor, Lloyd Mingee, and the wife of his opponent, Pambanour Seclun, conspired to have the words “vote for me if you love doodoo” tattooed onto Seclun’s forehead, after drugging him during the mayoral debates. No outsiders have been able to get an explanation as to why from the people of Manjchien.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Most Annoying Man in Europe

The most annoying man in Europe is Stephan Thatcher of Middlesex, Britain. He was certified by a panel of behavioural experts and sociologists in May 1982. Professor Archie Fisting, a member of the panel, said, “It is difficult to say exactly what makes young Steven so annoying. He’s not significantly more ignorant than most members of the public; it may be a particular quality of his voice, his face, his taste in music. We’re not entirely sure, but he’s just much more annoying than any subject I have ever observed.”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Most argumentative novelist

The most confrontational novelist is Geoffry Thorne of Los Angeles, America. The ratio of arguments to published work, has run at around 86 to 2 between 2006 to 2008. His recorded arguments, carried out over print media, blogs, message boards and in person, range in topics from race and politics to literature, creative writing, history, whether he wrote the original screenplays for several Hollywood blockbusters (Thorne denies being in any way connected to the 2005 Michael Bay movie The Island, despite dogged internet rumours), and science. Commenting after Thorne's third fistfight of the 2007 convention season, event organiser told Wizard Magazine, "Geoff's a great writer, but we're all worried that one day he's really going to hurt someone."

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin