The most argumentative person in the world Infographic

I'm a diplomatic person myself, but that's not for everyone.

©2015 James Mathurin

Most offensive joke infographic - Redux

Another older infographic that I thought was due for a revivification.

©2015 James Mathurin

Highest number of accents in a minute Infographic

The new information that came out since this originally appeared here has changed the story somewhat.

©2015 James Mathurin

Most naked people seen out of the corner of an eye Infographic

I've seen a lot of things out of the corner of my eye, but I think this would prove very distracting.

© 2014 James Mathurin

Worst Lapse of Memory Infographic

None of us have infallible recall, but....

Sorry, lost my train of thought there.

 ©2014 James Mathurin

The Inventions of Dimitri Dutruv, Pt.8 Infographic

It can be argued that Dutruv was thoroughly unqualified for this kind of work, and that the subjects were vulnerable people who shouldn't have been treated in this manner. I'm not sure what the counter-argument would be...

©2014 James Mathurin

Sudden Unexplained Slaps?

A brand new entry, with a strange case of possible mass-hysterical slapping.

©2014 James Mathurin

The Least memorable song lyrics - infographic

An infographic that really does have everything there is to say about the least memorable song lyrics ever.

©2013 James Mathurin

Most offensive joke infographic

This week's infographic, not to be confused with the longest-held swearword. This is very much its own animal.

 ©2013 James Mathurin

The most argumentative person in the world

An infographic of Alexei Shamunshumovich, the most argumentative person in the world.

©2013 James Mathurin

The final edition of Crank Up That Cheese

Jersey McClair was a presenter on the local Minnesota quiz show Crank Up that Cheese between 1984 and 1999. His final show became notorious after some unexplained comments he made during the live finale of the 1999 season.

McClair announced that the show would return after a commercial break, and then greeted the live audience with a "shocking announcement":

"I was supposed to explain to you that our two contestant, Darryl and Rebeca, are expecting a baby, but I feel that the time has well and truly come, where I have to explain that I am, despite appearances, a lizard man from the year 5000."

The signal was then cut, and McClair announed his resignation from the KBBOP channel the next day.

Darryl Marks and Rebeca Lampley, the contestants on the show, look on confusedly during McClair's statement. After transmission was cut, the couple signed a gagging agreement with the channel, so have not given any statement on what was going on behind the scenes. It is believed they were compensated with cruise tickets.. Photograph by jone.nyborg.

  ©2013 James Mathurin

The inventions of Dimitri Dutruv Pt. 8

Dutruv was called in, in 1999, to consult on suggestions for treatment for a phenomenon which was viewed, at the time, as some kind of mass hysteria. Several people... believed that they were fairytale characters. One subject believed he was the Gingerbread Man, and therefore refused to go into water, until he was allowed to bathe in liquid icing sugar.

It was first identified by doctors when a patient 'h' was admitted to hospital after having lost several of his teeth after biting into the brick wall of a house, which he believed was made of gingerbread.

Dutruv attempted to treat the patients by waiting for a patient to enter REM sleep, and then playing them a recording of the fairytale they had fixated on through speakers. He theorised that hearing "The End" would allow their subconscious mind to break out of the story.

The results were 1 revival, 1 revival then relapse, 2 comas, and one person suffered a psychotic break and killed a lumberjack.

Most of Dutruv's records were redacted under an anonymity agreement with the hospital, but this image of a patient listed as "BBW" was found in his records, labelled as being taken at 2:15am during REM therapy session 3 on 15th AUgust 1999. Photograph by thart2009.

©2012 James Mathurin

The most forgettable song lyrics

The most forgettable song lyrics ever were in the song Municipal Delivery Systems Rock ‘n’ Shuffle, a song specially composed for the 1986 convention of Bremen Council Administrators in Rome, Italy. It was commissioned from composer Ayre Erdberdschen, who complained, “It was full of lists of tedious things I had to include, like offset wastage management forms. I tried my best, but the song was so tedious I found it impossible to commit to memory. Pieta, my singer had to have the lyrics in front of her, no matter how often she rehearsed it.” The song proved so forgettable that Erdberdschen was sued by Bremen Council for not performing the song at the convention, although in court, audio recordings proved that the song was performed with 2 encores, but had been instantly forgotten by all present.

The Schütting, in Bremen, where the Bremen Council Administrators convention was held. The strange amnesiac effect of Erdberdschen's lyrics was linked to an increase in traffic-related accidents on the roads outside it, as excerpts from the lyrics were printed on billboards around the building. Several motorists who had been considered responsible for the accidents mentioned temporarily forgetting how to drive as they glanced at the billboards. Photograph by roger4336.

 ©2012 James Mathurin

The world’s most offensive joke

The world’s most offensive joke was told my comedian Lee Pitton in an audience-participation segment of his stand-up show The Oxtail Soup Monologues in Bradford in 1996. It is illegal to recount the joke, after an emergency UN resolution, but it has since been responsible for an estimated 4 international and diplomatic incidents, 9 riots, 34 deaths and the collapse of 4 national economies. Pitton retired after the joke was connected to a narrowly-averted mass-suicide attempt by the ‘Nashie’ cult movement of Oklahoma, America in 2003.

This photograph was taken in London in 2002, when a recording of Pitton's routine was played at a retirement party at the headquarters of Natwest Bank. The fight that resulted proceeded to spill out into the surrounding area until it had engulfed much of London's 'Square Mile' banking district, and lasted for 17 hours.Photograph by Kashklick.

 ©2012 James Mathurin

The worst ever lapse of memory

The worst ever lapse of memory came from Danish butcher Peter Dreichs, who announced to his wife Gherta, on the 15^th May 2002 that he had just remembered that he was actually Rich Cummings, the mayor of Craniville, Ohio, USA, and had simply forgotten both his job, name, home, wife and three children while on holiday in Denmark 12 years previously. Medical examination found no physical reason for his lapse, and a psychologist told the media, “It really does appear that he just forgot. His life was like a peanut down the back of a sofa.”

Peter Dreichsreturned to Craniville in 2004, but found his family had sold their house to the Kaufmann Tire company in the intervening years. He was eventually reunited with them on a special edition of the Ellen Degeneres Show in 2009. Photograph by Dougtone.

 ©2012 James Mathurin

The world’s most severe case of déjà vu

The world’s most severe case of déjà vu was attributed to Glenn Mackerbie, of Harare, Zimbabwe in May 1998, after he spent fifteen years insisting that every day was one he remembered from before. His wife Gladys said,

“It has had such an effect on our life. I know he can’t help it, but my feelings were hurt slightly when I organised a surprise fiftieth birthday party for him, and he just said, ‘Didn’t we do this yesterday?’”

 The previous title holder, Nicole Panacetti, of Lisbon, Portugal, was disqualified when it was discovered that she had lived in the same room for 9 years, listening to the same Gladys Knight & The Pips LP, and reading the same copy of Barbara Cartland’s book Passion in the Ironmonger’s, and thus forcibly conditioning herself to constantly experience a ‘synthetic déjà vu.’

 Glenn and Gladys Mackerbie, pictured on vacation in the United States in 1997. Glenn's déjà vu continued on the trip, much to the annoyance of Gladys. She wrote in her diary of the trip, "Again, Glenn is asking if we have been here before. We haven't even visited this continent before!" Photograph by Mangrove Mike.

©2012 James Mathurin

Highest number of accents in a minute

The highest number of accents used in a minute was 58, and was achieved by Adrian Wilnjes of Eindhoven, Holland. Wilnjes, who suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder, went through 58 distinct accents when he called into Holland’s leading radio talent show (whose title roughly translates as Show Us Your Mill-Master’s T-Bone Steak!), on 31^st July 2004. He later told his therapist, “Although I have over 60 personalities inside me, only 2 of them were involved in the telephone call. You see, they’re both amateur impressionists, and were competing against each other.” Wilnjes said that setting a new record was a consolation, as, “Neither of them are very funny.”

Ruud Ditvenhooy, host of Show Us Your Mill-Master’s T-Bone Steak! remembers Wilnjes as, "One of the most electrifying acts it has ever been my privelege to witness with my own ears. He could have gone all the way if not for the... unpleasantness that happened." Details of the 'unpleasantness' have been sealed by Dutch courts until 2015. Photo by YuvalH.

©2009 James Mathurin

Most argumentative person

The most argumentative person in the world was Alexei Shamunshumovich, who lived in Leningrad in the former USSR. Over the course of his 46 years, he challenged the details on his Birth Certificate 22 times, going so far as to charge his parents with fraud on 7 occasions. 

He only ever worked as a mechanic, despite his supervisor trying unsuccessfully to have him fired 9 times, because he argued so much that he rarely got any work done. He argued so vociferously at every attempt to fire him, that he was never actually fired, although he also argued passionately that his supervisor was wrong to take him back every time. 

He was sentenced to death in 1956 when he jumped onto the podium at an official Communist Party rally, in order to insist that Lenin was not in fact the father of Communism, but was an Algerian carrot vendor, insisting, “Anyone who cannot see that I am right is a Menshevik War Criminal!” 

Although he had his sentence of Death by Firing Squad commuted at the last moment, he successfully argued that allowing him to live would send out the wrong message, and so was promptly executed.

A photo of Shamunshumovich, aged 25, on show in Moscow as a tribute to 'dissenters everywhere, no matter how pointless.' Photo by rwhgould.

©2009 James Mathurin

Most naked people seen out of the corner of an eye

The most recorded naked people seen out of one person's eyes was 75 during a 58 day period in October 1996. Such a precise measurement is possible because the person in question was Australian policeman Sean Maduire, and each occurrence was recorded in his official reports as an occurrence of indecent public exposure. After two months Maduire was convinced that there was a ring of radical hippie nudist performance artists operating in Melbourne, but when he tried to create a special police task force to deal wit them, a combination of optical and psychiatric therapy demanded by his superiors revealed that no more than three of his reports related to actual events. Maduire was required to take a 2 month vacation on half pay, and then returned to active duty.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Most argumentative novelist

The most confrontational novelist is Geoffry Thorne of Los Angeles, America. The ratio of arguments to published work, has run at around 86 to 2 between 2006 to 2008. His recorded arguments, carried out over print media, blogs, message boards and in person, range in topics from race and politics to literature, creative writing, history, whether he wrote the original screenplays for several Hollywood blockbusters (Thorne denies being in any way connected to the 2005 Michael Bay movie The Island, despite dogged internet rumours), and science. Commenting after Thorne's third fistfight of the 2007 convention season, event organiser told Wizard Magazine, "Geoff's a great writer, but we're all worried that one day he's really going to hurt someone."

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin