Highest number of accents in a minute

The highest number of accents used in a minute was 58, and was achieved by Adrian Wilnjes of Eindhoven, Holland. Wilnjes, who suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder, went through 58 distinct accents when he called into Holland’s leading radio talent show (whose title roughly translates as Show Us Your Mill-Master’s T-Bone Steak!), on 31^st July 2004. He later told his therapist, “Although I have over 60 personalities inside me, only 2 of them were involved in the telephone call. You see, they’re both amateur impressionists, and were competing against each other.” Wilnjes said that setting a new record was a consolation, as, “Neither of them are very funny.”

Ruud Ditvenhooy, host of Show Us Your Mill-Master’s T-Bone Steak! remembers Wilnjes as, "One of the most electrifying acts it has ever been my privelege to witness with my own ears. He could have gone all the way if not for the... unpleasantness that happened." Details of the 'unpleasantness' have been sealed by Dutch courts until 2015. Photo by YuvalH.

©2009 James Mathurin

Worst ever theme party

The worst ever theme party was thrown in 1996 by the Kwik Stop Service Station Corporation. Their Christmas party that year was a “normal day at work” party. When the staff had finished working they were taken, by coach, to another Kwik Stop Service Station, which was closed for the evening (for fumigation due to start the next day, because of an infestation of Earwigs), where they waited, in uniform, behind counters and tills, serving the management for 4 hours, with a 15 minute “themed lunch break window”, in which they could sit in the unventilated staff room, where the coffee machine was set to ‘free vend’. The vending machine in question had run out of Bovril. Although staff were told they could be fired if they did not return to their till on time, or if they left early, they were told they would not be paid. “Who would seriously expect us to pay our staff to attend their own party?” asked the regional manager, Phillip Strubb. The company was able to claim a tax rebate on the cost of the evening by claiming it as “business expenses”.

The 'Chill-out room' at the Kwik Stop theme party. Photo by moriza.

©2009 James Mathurin

Smallest office chair

The world’s smallest office chair was constructed by Gerte Hagemund, of Dortmund, Germany in 1977. It had a height of 4.8 centimetres, and Hagemund claims that it is the only remaining part of a complete ‘ergonomically designed’ office equipment set. “I made it for the fairies that I watch at the bottom of the garden,” she explained in an interview. “I have watched them since I was a little child, but as I grew older I noticed how bad their posture was. I don’t know if they ever actually do any office work, or whether they cavort all day long, but I felt I should do what I could to help.” Asked where the rest of the furniture was, she answered, “Well, they took it didn’t they? That’s the only thing that makes sense. I hope it has helped, as they completely ignored the little pamphlets I designed for them.”

Gerte [centre], pictured in 1982, with her mother and agent, and 3 items of office furniture (pictured on the table, but not visible due to the low resolution of the image, they include a chair, lamp and filing cabinet). Picture from the archive administered by anslatadams.

©2009 James Mathurin

The longest legal debate

The single longest legal debate took place in the Portugese Assembleia da República, when Luis Rotundo finally conceded defeat in his campaign to have 15 of the streets of Lisbon named after different animal kingdoms. "It all started with my vision to have an 'Alameda platyhelminthes'," Rotundo told journalists after the debate eventually ended, "And it saddens me that now the majesty of the natural world will not be commemorated in the form of Rua Vetulicolia, Estrada Brachiopoda, Caminho Ctenophora or Rua Nematomorpha." After the debate had lasted from 12th June 2002 until 24th September 2005, Rotundo vowed to plow his political efforts into the field of education and healthcare. He has since left politics to become a Carmelite monk.

The Lisbon street that would have become Estrda Xenoturbellida under the proposed 'Plano Rotundo', pictured by Allie_Caulfield.

©2009 James Mathurin

Most annoying ringtone

The most annoying Mobile telephone ringtone ever was developed by Sigmund Elfin, Of Stavangar, Norway. On a family trip home, he went into his childhood bedroom. “Growing up, I would often be woken by the sounds of pigs being slaughtered in the abattoir, which is just across the street from my bedroom window,” he explained later, “And I realised it was a part of my childhood I really missed. I was filming with my camcorder at the time, and I was recording while a pig was being slaughtered. I was able to extract the sounds when I got home, and engineered them into an MP3 ringtone. When I tried it for the first time, I blacked out, and when I came around I had smashed my phone. I played the ringtone to other people, with a similar effect. When people hear my phone ring, they have an irresistible urge to destroy it, and me.”

Sigmund Elfin, pictured here in the last known image of him, taken by himself, with a mobile phone with his ringtone programmed into it, on the 14th June 2005. All that was found was the destroyed phone, and a trail of Elfin's clothes, leading from a smashed window to the woods by his home. The photo is reproduced by permission of copyright owners kencf0618.

©2009 James Mathurin

Most species in a conga-line

The record for the most species in a single conga-line stands at 23, set by animals from the Kyoto zoo in Japan. At various points, it consisted of Wolves, Foxes, Dingoes, Hyenas, Cougars, Leopards, Pumas, Hippopotamuses, Elephants, Rhinoceroses, Iguanas, Alligators, Geckoes, Emus, Ostriches, Grizzly and Polar Bears, Penguins, Flamingos, Rabbits, Orang-utans, Gorillas, Chimpanzees, and Howler Monkeys (although not in that order). Shuya Inada, the zookeeper who organised the event in June 1997, said, “We had to make money to prevent the zoo from being converted into an elecrtical fan factory, so I tried to think of something that could show off the animals and get people’s interest. It was easier to manage than you might think, you can keep all the plant-eating animals together, and some of the carnivores can just be muzzled. We tried to sandwich the unmanageable animals between big animals like the elephants and hippos, where they couldn’t do any damage, and then we just had to make sure no one got trampled.” Asked about the success of the conga-line, Inada said, “We can keep the zoo open now, we just have to open a MacDonald’s on-site somewhere, release some snakes into the wild, and put a bowling alley under the Penguin Enclosure.”

Two Ash-Haired Sable Monkeys are put throught their paces in preparation for the conga. Inada commented, "Although they did not make it through to the final performance, these two were the ones it all really began with. It was a tragedy the way that Coyote got loose." Photo by animal photography agency pelican.

©2009 James Mathurin

Most boring town on the planet

The most boring town on the planet is Pinterville, a “planned community” in Colorado, USA. Founded in 1989 on a principle of housing “The affluent and morally-concerned”, its council has banned any activity that could be linked to poverty or depravity, eventually including music (“Lots of poor people make music, and lots of popular musicians set very morally lax examples,” said council member Ely Smithsonian. ”Even classical music can be a ‘gateway hobby’ to more questionable stylings, so we were forced to ban that as well.”), comedy (“Most comedians talk endlessly on subjects we’d rather not think about”) and art (“Too many naked people.”). Currently, the only permitted pastime in the town is competitive calligraphy, and the town’s team, the Pinterville Penmans, have reached the Colorado state semi-finals for 3 years running.

This pair of chairs was confiscated in 2000 from the house of Mason Goodroot and his wife Mindy, on the charge of being 'designed in a style that is potentially a source of visual discord," by the Pinterville Municipal Council, who found it to be in violation of at least 17 town ordnances. Photo by A gregglesworth.

©2009 James Mathurin