The most disfiguring self-inflicted injury sustained in a sharp-shooting contest

The most disfiguring self-inflicted injury sustained in a sharp-shooting contest was sustained by Phillip ‘Panama’ O’Grady, in the ‘Jones’ Regal Annual Shoot-Off’, held in Kaiserslauten, Germany in March 1984. After hitting a bulls-eye in the main event, O’Grady habitually blew the smoke off of the barrel of his gun. However, this time the gun fired, blowing off the middle of his top and bottom lips, and taking off the end of his nose. O’Grady went on to collect Bronze in the competition, but refused to get cosmetic surgery, insisting, “This may be my chance to become a mainstream media celebrity. My Agent is already in talks with Thames Television about the possibility of starring in my own Comedy-Western series.”

'Panama' O'Grady, pictured in training for the Jones' Regal event in 1984. Picture by Augie Schwer.

©2011 James Mathurin

Life narration

Wilholm Friedland , of Trompe-Souris, France spent 15 years and 17 weeks narrating his life, starting in May 1984. Interviewed in 1990, he commented, “’It has made communication with my wife problematic, as I say out loud thoughts I would normally keep to myself,” He said, thinking of the time when he had announced his desire for the waitress at the Three Roosters at the breakfast table.

Friedland, pictured in a Tours market in 1999. Shortly after this photograph was taken, he was arrested by a female police officer for making comments as he passed her which she, "refused to record." He was later released without charge. Photo by istolethetv.

©2011 James Mathurin

The World's Worst Ball Boy (Tennis)

The world’s worst ball-boy (tennis) was Pierre Gussette, a ball boy at the 1921 Lyon Open tournament. In the first match he was involved with, he managed to topple the Umpire’s chair twice, tried three times to run through the net, threw nine balls into the crowd, one of which hit the visiting King of Norway, and blinded one of the players, Gustaf Smick, who he had completely ignored until the fifth game of the second set. His ‘attack’ on the King of Norway almost caused a diplomatic incident, for which the French government was forced to imprison him for 7 years.

A ball-boy at a local Parisian Tennis Association match, fulfilling the role of 'Gussettier', an honorary position bestowed to the most 'sinister' ball-boy at some matches. Photo by pupismyname.

©2011 James Mathurin

The Fattest Ninja

The fattest ninja ever was Kenji Musoka, according to records from the 13th Century. He achieved this distinction while on an assassination mission, when he found himself trapped in a barrel of lychee syrup. Using stealth-breathing techniques, Musoka was able to hold his breath while submerged in the syrup for 4 hours, but after that period, was required to start consuming the syrup, in order to breath. After gaining room to breath, he was still unable to move, and so had to consume the rest of the syrup, until he was able to escape from the barrel, now weighing 21 stone. Despite the dramatic weight-gain, Musoka was still able to complete his mission to assassinate the mayor of the town of Shizuka.

Musoka is remembered by some fringe groups in Japan to this day, and is remembered and honoured in the form of 'waga ninjas', soft dolls which take the appearance of a fat ninja. This example was photographed by Annie Mole.

 ©2011 James Mathurin

Time-travelling Blaxploitation cinema

In 1974, Danny Myzchniki, a business associate of Frances Ford Coppolla, pitched a Time-travelling Blaxploitation movie called A Bitch in Time Saves Mine to various studios. While he went on record as believing it was, "a mind-blowing polygamous marriage of science fiction, gangster epic, medieval murder-mystery and martial arts," no studio would take a chance on it, despite Myzchniki having cast the main roles, and paid for filming several scenes out of his own pocket, including the climactic '5-Dimensional P-Funk concert', where the hero, 'Pimp-Daddy Chronio', played by Sylas Dawson, a local musician leads a band consisting of a 16th Century Shaolin monk on slap-bass, an Arthurian knight on drums, a 25th Century space explorer on lead guitar, and his "hos" Tick and Tock on brass in a "jam for the ages" against a "Robo-Demon from ancient Greece."

Sylas Dawson, playing "Pimp-Daddy Chronio", in one of the few completed scenes from A Bitch in Time Saves Mine. Photo provided by joelogon.

 ©2011 James Mathurin

The 5-Minute Rule Eaterie

Anders Bohrigs set up and manages the Fem - Minut Regel Restaurang (Five-Minute Rule Restaurant) in Malmo, Sweden. As well as pancakes cooked to his grandmother's secret recipe, the restaurant offers a 45% reduction on food if it is dropped on the floor and scooped up before it reaches the table, 65% if it is a soup or 'heavily-sauced dish'. Asked to explain the policy, Bohrings said,

"What we are trying to achieve here is a movement to reduce people's overly fussy attitude to food. The policy is not meant as an apolgy; we actually prefer for customers to request their food be dropped when they order their meal. Very few customers have had any kind of health issues, and I feel this is something very positive for society."

The Fem - Minut Regel Restaurang, where the offer for Christmas is "Free main course if your waiter licks your starter." This photo provided by La Citta Vita.

©2011 James Mathurin

The inventions of Dimitri Dutruv Pt. 6

One of Dutruv's more controversial, and less well documented scientific escapades was his 'Metro Mass Driver' series of experiments. These represented the period where Dutruv developed an interest in the self-styled "Guerrilla Science" movement, which encouraged,

Systems of experimentation and technological development, freed of corporate and government sponsorship, staid academia and restrictive Health and Safety restrictions, by utilising the environment and resources we find in it.

For Dutruv, this involved utilising several miles of the Tunnelbana Metro system in Stockholm in order to attempt to turn an unmanned Maglev (Magnetic Levitation) vehicle as a 'DIY mass driver', in order to create 'miniature Black Holes'. Although Dutruv often worked alone, the scale of this project required him to ask for assistance from Guerrilla Science, specifically to help him hack into the Tunnelbana computer system to ensure that no staff were working overnight on the sections of track he was using, and to use two assistants he recruited from advertisements in magazines and tobacconists. Records of what happened are legally sealed by the Swedish government, but Dutruv was arrested and faced legal charges, and at least one of his assistants may have been removed from the spacetime continuum as a result of the experiment.

This picture was taken by 'Guerrilla Scientist' Pacopus, and is said to show Dutruv, the surviving assistant, and the unidentified 'hypothetical' assistant, who has come to be known in online discussions as 'Assistant H'.

Dutruv was released from the custody of the Swedish police without being charged. The investigating officer, Faltmo Lindegaard, explained,

While we do feel that some kind of offence took place here, our suspicion is that the victim, if indeed there ever was one, has been erased from all of time and space, and as such, the crime remains purely hypothetical, even though we believe that it did happen. This is confusing, and well beyond our jurisdiction.

Although details of this investigation were not included in the remains of Dutruv's work, after his death in 1996, several of the 'Guerrilla Scientists' who knew of it posted discussions about it on various online message boards, saying that they felt it should stand as a tribute to Dutruv's contribution to human understanding.

©2011 James Mathurin

The most corrosive hamburger sauce

The most corrosive Hamburger sauce ever was Kathter’s Old Number 9, a concoction created on a Texan farm in 1972 by retired Chemist Peter Chan. Although he kept the ingredients secret, he told Hamburger Review magazine, “it contains 5 different types of chillies, and gunpowder for seasoning.” Chan was later taken to court by PETA, accused of killing several sows by testing his sauce on them when it was still in its experimental stages. Kathter’s Old Number 9 was eventually taken off the shelves in 1975, when it was discovered that one of the ingredients used  by Chan had actually been extracted from the larval form of a rare parasitic wasp which was on the Endangered Species list.

The results of the application of 75ml of Kathter’s Old Number 9 to an undercooked quarter pounder. Chan noted that the bottle did carry the disclaimer "contents may become volatile if brought into contact with raw meat products." Photo copyright of Public Domain Photos.

©2011 James Mathurin

Moustaches of Australia

The Moustaches of Australia Museum is a recent addition to the Perth cultural scene. Curator Del McGarneck estimates that the combined weight of all the facial hair in the exhibition would exceed 2 metric tonnes.

"Moustaches have formed an integral part of Australian culture," he explained in the Perth's Eye  local newspaper, "Which is part of the reason I personally found Crocodile Dundee so offensive. Moustaches, in many ways, have been what has separated us from the animals, especially the reptiles."

Del McGarneck, pictured at the Moustaches of Australia Museum's grand opening, where he was engaged in a heated debate about his policy against including sideburns in the museum's exhibits. Picture supplied by the MoAM's official photographer, Gagilas.

©2011 James Mathurin