The worst fancy dress costume

The worst fancy dress costume ever was worn by “Beard-Trimmer to The Stars” Barrington Menger, to a party thrown by Elton John in 1996. Menger turned up in slippers, corduroy trousers, a cotton shirt and a woollen pullover. He was asked to leave early due to an unusual odour that seemed to emanate from a green stain on his trousers. When asked what his costume was meant to be, he replied, “My uncle Mortimer. He was quite a character!”

Menger's pullover has gained cult status among some in fashion circles, and has been adopted as a template for 'ironic drabwear' by some designers. by matalafria knitwear barcelona.

©2013 James Mathurin

The earliest public transport network

The earliest public transport network was a system of catapults unearthed in the ruins of the ancient Aztec city of Zingalamaduni, dated to around the 13th Century AD. With 17 temples and 3 palaces, it is believed that the catapults were devised to allow priests to perform several religious rites at different sites in quick succession, particularly at times of lunar or solar eclipse, when both sacrifices, marriages, baptisms and magistrates’ hearings would all be conducted within a very short time frame. It is believed that the system was abandoned after one disastrous eclipse, where a catapulting mix-up led to a groom being sacrificed, his bride-to-be being married to a new-born prince, a goat being baptised and the high priest being catapulted straight into the wall of a temple, killing him instantly.

This photograph shows a team of archaeologists excavating the Zingalamaduni site in 2003. The site was hailed by the dig's leader, Professor Bryan Philpot, as a "truly exciting find, especially when I was accidentally thrown 20 metres by a remarkably well-preserved catapult!" Photograph by Odense Bys Museer.

©2013 James Mathurin

The most sensationalist headline

The most sensationalist headline was “MACHETE FRENCHMAN TAKES QUEEN’S EAR!” It was published in the Tadworth Cavalier newspaper on 11^th July 1987, when a photographer for the paper took a photograph of a French exchange student cutting corn with a knife in a field owned by the Royal family.

Dominic Garsteau, the French student who was implicated in the piece, posing for a photograph that accompanied an interview in the Tadworth Bulletin, a local rival to the Tadworth Cavalier, where he said he had been unaware of his notoriety until he returned home to Toulouse, and found out several of his relatives had been organising support for a petition to the British Embassy, in case he was imprisoned as a result of a "British tabloid campaign of fear". Photograph by Capt' Gorgeous.

©2013 James Mathurin

The worst ever game-show host

The worst ever game-show host was Mickie the Chinchilla. Given the presenting gig on the New Zealand show Dung or Dosh in 2004 on the strength of winning pet talent show And He Can Lick Himself Too…., Mickie was shocked by the loud applause of the crowd, and spent the show urinating frequently in a panic, biting 3 contestants and eventually dying of a heart-attack when an on-stage pyrotechnic went off by mistake.

A publicity photograph of Mickie, which his agent Sam Mackie circulated to the press for use in obituaries. In a statement, he said,

"Mickie had a tiny body, a smooth coat, and one of the biggest bloody hearts ever. He had a great future in front of him."

 Photograph by Greencolander.

©2012 James Mathurin

The poorest selling specialist magazine

The poorest selling specialist magazine ever was Lever-Arch Folder Fanciers Quarterly, a magazine that promised, “an in-depth and enthusiastic quarterly overview of the erotic side of office stationary.” It ran for fifteen minutes in June 1965, and only 17 copies reached the shops. The publisher, Orange Hotchkiss ltd., issued a statement saying, “We apologise to anyone offended by the magazine, please be assured it was only ever put into print due to an administrative error, and we cancelled it as soon as one of our technicians realised what was happening.” Despite this, one of the 17 copies recently sold on eBay for £72.22 to a collector in Mozambique.

S. Rothstein newsagents, one of the few shops which received a copy of Lever-Arch Folder Fanciers Quarterly. The proprietor has always refused to speak of the magazine, and when her son, Oscar, took over the business in 1979, he suggested that Orange Hotchkiss ltd. had forced his mother to sign some form of gagging agreement, possibly in return for paying for his university fees. Photograph by sludgegulper.

©2012 James Mathurin

The most forgettable song lyrics

The most forgettable song lyrics ever were in the song Municipal Delivery Systems Rock ‘n’ Shuffle, a song specially composed for the 1986 convention of Bremen Council Administrators in Rome, Italy. It was commissioned from composer Ayre Erdberdschen, who complained, “It was full of lists of tedious things I had to include, like offset wastage management forms. I tried my best, but the song was so tedious I found it impossible to commit to memory. Pieta, my singer had to have the lyrics in front of her, no matter how often she rehearsed it.” The song proved so forgettable that Erdberdschen was sued by Bremen Council for not performing the song at the convention, although in court, audio recordings proved that the song was performed with 2 encores, but had been instantly forgotten by all present.

The Schütting, in Bremen, where the Bremen Council Administrators convention was held. The strange amnesiac effect of Erdberdschen's lyrics was linked to an increase in traffic-related accidents on the roads outside it, as excerpts from the lyrics were printed on billboards around the building. Several motorists who had been considered responsible for the accidents mentioned temporarily forgetting how to drive as they glanced at the billboards. Photograph by roger4336.

 ©2012 James Mathurin

The longest ever wait for a bus

The longest ever wait for a bus was endured by Louisa Bacheaux, in a suburb of Regina, in Canada. After arriving at a bus stop on the morning of May 15th, she then waited for 8 weeks and 5 days for her bus, with her family being forced to bring her food and supplies throughout. It transpired that, due to a bureaucratic oversight, some 17 bus stops had been installed, and timetables and promotional material sent out, but 6 months before buses were built. Although it was not until 2 weeks after Bacheaux began her wait that this was recognised,she refused to leave the stop, saying,

"I've been waiting for my bus for two weeks now, the timetable says 10-15 minutes, and I'm not leaving until it arrives."

Bacheaux's family's dog, Blancie, who carried many of her supplies to and from her home to the bus stop on a wagon built by her son, Max. Photograph by GIANTsqurl.

  ©2012 James Mathurin