The most powdered milk consumed in one hour

The most powdered milk consumed in one hour was 23 kilograms. This was achieved in 1967 by Ursa Borisdotir of Reykjavik, Iceland, who said, “I was able to consume no more than 15 kilograms, until I found that I was able to consume a much larger amount if I only consumed the powder. The Assessors allowed this method, but only if I consumed the correct amount of water within 15 minutes of finishing, and then jumped up and down until the solution was mixed in my stomach.”

Borisdotir, pictured with his lucky plastic fork, 'Old Uli'

Photograph provided by That Other Paper

©2009 James Mathurin

Most gods sighted in one place

The most Gods ever sighted in one place was on a piece of toast owned by Pascha Mirbel, of Prague, in the Czech Republic in 1999. He told reporters,

“I was about to butter it, when I noticed that the face of Jesus seemed to have appeared on the surface of the toast. After staring at that for a moment, I noticed that Buddha was next to him, and Kali and Krishna were on the other side. After looking further, I noticed that the Arabic script for ‘Allah’ was just under Jesus’ beard. I am so relieved my butter smelt a bit funny that morning, or I might have ended up offending many, many deities.”

Mr. Mirbel's original slice of toast was destroyed in an attack by Hank Deershorn, a Scientologist fundamentalist in April 2000. Pictured is another slice which escaped his flamethrower rampage, which unfortunately only shows one religious icon, the Virgin Mary.

Photograph by Matt Gothik

©2008 James Mathurin

Smallest Public Transportation System

The world’s smallest Public Transportation Network is in the Leisure compound lived in by reclusive Albanian Pop-star Miklik. Converted from a mine shaft on an Island in the middle of a lake near his hometown, Miklik’s estate covers some 35 square meters, but extends 17 stories underground.

One of the buses that services Miklik's estate. The minute size of the estate means that the buses cannot actually turn, but come to rest on a series of strategically-placed revolving platforms. Photo provided by So gesehen.

©2008 James Mathurin

Least Effective Charity Event

The least effective charity event ever organised was the “Mugging for Charity Fortnight” organised by the mayor of Llanllewy, Wales in 1998. Over the two weeks there was an amnesty on all street crime, as long as 50% of all money taken was given to a charity set up to raise money for a new gift shop in the town’s hospital. Unfortunately, the steep rise in crime was too much for the town’s 9 police officers to deal with, and by Wednesday on the second week, the entire hospital had been burned down. Gwynnford Powys, the mayor of Llanllewy's only comment was, “I still believe it was a basically sound idea, and you can’t deny that it got a lot of people very excited.”


























Reg Dennis, one of the 'Mugging For Charity' organisers, in his role of 'Donation-encourager'. Picture courtesy of Swamibu

©2008 James Mathurin

Worst job promotion

The worst ever job promotion was when Alistair Jones, a worker at Melbourne Zoo, was made Vice-Executive Olfactory Presentation Technician in 1996. His duties consisted mainly of disposing of dung from the zoo’s ‘Waste Intensive Mammals’, chiefly Elephants and Rhinoceroses, and cleaning their pens. Although these duties were identical to those of his previous position (‘Dunny Scraper’), the management of the zoo awarded Jones the promotion, at an identical wage, but with a 3 minute longer lunch break, after he “improved the efficiency of the zoo’s wastage recycling/disposal techniques.” Jones explained, “Well, there’s only so much crud you can shovel into the Polar Bear enclosure before folks start asking if they’re looking at Grizzlies, so I realised ‘hey, the chimps love to chuck their own around so much, why not line their cages with it?’”

Alistair Jones at work with one of the 'Waste Intensive Mammals' (photo by Muzina Shanghai)

©2008 James Mathurin,

The Shortest-lived religion on record

The shortest-lived religion on record was the Pondeastic sect of Lithuania, formed and dissolved on July 17th 1956 by Marzo Passakre, 24. Passakre believed that he had been contacted by God, who told him to run back home to prepare for the rapture. Within 4 hours he had recruited some 257 followers in his home town of Bursnabruk, and had written a draft for the first book of his ‘revised bible’. The religion ended when his younger brother Uri told him that the voice he had heard had actually been him passing on a message from their mother to come home to feed their goat. A friend of the family told reporters, “Marzo has always been a natural leader, and not the most thoughtful of people. Really, we should have seen this coming.”

©Copyright 2008 James Mathurin

Most Cheese Sculptures in one week

The most cheese sculptures made in one week was 97, by Kurdish artist Yitzhak Khrambrooluy between March 10^th to 16^th 2002. He said, “For many people June 1972 was the Golden Age of cheese sculpture, but times are changing. I’m just trying to bring it back into the public eye. Eventually they will melt, but their legacy will live on.”

©2008 James Mathurin

Poorest-selling musical compilation

The poorest-selling musical compilation ever was Now, That’s What I Call Animals Getting Slaughtered 3. Belgian producer Marcus Bellepain, was actually surprised at the poor sales. “We only produced the first NTWICAGS for a joke, but were surprised when it got to 32 in the Belgian album charts, and 27 in the Swiss,” he said in an interview on May 7^th 2002. ”The second album didn’t do quite so well, but we really didn’t expect number 3 to sell only 6 copies, and half of them were returned within a fortnight.”

©2008 James Mathurin

Most severe case of sleep-walking

The most severe case of sleepwalking occurred in 1999. Rachel Fordless of Swansea, Wales, awoke at around 11:30pm on the 21^st July. In her sleep she dressed herself, took her purse, made her way to a 24-hour Internet Café and booked a ticket for herself to Glasgow, under the name Pietra Flambeau. She awoke in a Glasgow police station at 9:45 the next morning, having been arrested for assaulting two bouncers, leaving one in hospital.

©2008 James Mathurin

World's smallest roundabout

The world’s smallest roundabout is on the B247, in Walliesbottom, Sussex. It encircles a pond with a diameter of 1.25 metres, which used to be in the back garden of Marcus Sodbury’s house. When the new road was built in 2002, Mr. Sodbury’s house was demolished to make way for it, but due to a byelaw dating back to the 16^th Century, the pond had to be preserved, and the road had to go around it, rather than to the side, “lest Lucifer find his way o’er the vacant side of the lane.”

©2008 James Mathurin

The smallest recorded cardboard box

The smallest recorded cardboard box was constructed by Kenyan chartered accountant Manse Oskalja, in April 2004. The finished box measured 3mm by 4mm by 3mm. Oskalja said, “This is actually a bigger box than 3 which I constructed over the last 5 years, but I accidentally inhaled 2 of them, and my dog sat on the third, rendering it invalid in the Assessor’s opinion. I am glad to have set the record, but I will not be happy until I have repeated the feat of my previous, lost, boxes.”

©2008 James Mathurin

Most Pointless insult on vinyl

The most pointless insult ever recorded on vinyl was spoken by Inuit Peppor Kummel in May 1954. A visiting documentary maker recorded her telling her neighbour, “Your niece wears Azerbaijani slippers on Thursdays!” Asked about the meaning, she said, “It may seem meaningless to you, but she knows what I meant, and I feel very strongly about it.”

©2008 James Mathurin

Longest a telephone has been left off the hook

The longest a telephone was ever left to ring without being answered was 17 months and 5 days. It was due to Marcia Luffoni of Parma, Italy calling her boyfriend, Luca Baggabona before they set off on a round-the-world cruise on 5^th June 1975. “I called Luca to ask him to remember to bring his Gucci verruca sock, but before he answered I remembered I had forgotten to pack my Prada travel insurance document holder.” Unbeknownst to Marcia, Luca had already left his house, so his telephone went unanswered. Luca arrived at Marcia’s house before she returned to her telephone, and they left in a hurry, as they were running late. Thus, Marcia’s telephone remained off the hook, and Luca’s rang until he returned home on the 10^th November 1976. “I am just glad the phone was ringing, and not answered,” Luca said later, “As even our combined salaries could not have paid off such a bill.”

©2008 James Mathurin

Most appearances by a dead Soccer player

The football player who made the most number of appearances after dying was Greenlander Olkvijk Hamtlov, who died of an aneurysm in February 1992, aged 32. His embalmed corpse was played in goal for five matches by his club Bumblebee 1802, during which they conceded only 7 goals. The corpse was also selected for one international fixture, but was only an unused substitute. His club manager, Berf Volbenagg told the press, “Some have accused us of only picking Olkvijk so he could win this record, but his selection was purely tactical. I am glad this happened in winter, as we would not have been able to play him for as long as we did in a warmer month.”

©2008 James Mathurin

Fingers in a hippo's mouth

The world record for the highest amount of fingers stuck in the mouth of an aroused hippopotamus was set by staff at the Algerian State zoo in May, 2003. The Hippopotamus keeper, Aliah Ammash, said, “We’ve no idea how it got started, but it seemed like every other day someone managed to get their fingers stuck in Trudy’s [the hippopotamus in question] mouth. After a while we started to keep a record of it, but we were astounded when there were as many as 32 people, all with fingers stuck in there!” The zoo has since bought an animatronic hippopotamus mouth to commemorate the achievement. “It’s good, as many people simply do not realise how big a Hippo’s mouth is until they’re stuck in there,” commented Ms. Ammash.

©2008 James Mathurin

Smallest Mass Wedding

The smallest mass wedding was conducted by the Muggy Cult of Lisbon, Portugal in May 2004. The Cult leader, Luis De Stanza, had prophesied 5 years earlier that he would perform 3,000 wedding ceremonies for his followers on that day, but since he only had 7 followers, and 4 of them were men, according to the laws of his religion, he had to marry 3 of the men to the 3 women, and then perform 2,997 ceremonies between himself and the 3 women. When one of the women, Nannetta Costa, left the cult later that year, she sued De Stanza for divorce 999 times, on 1,998 counts of bigamy, bankrupting both him and the cult.
©2008 James Mathurin

Worst car-parker

The worst car-parker in the world is Belgian Japer Softop, 56. After trying to Parallel Park outside his office, in Brussels, in May 2002, he and his car were found in a ditch just outside Tours, in central France.
©2008 James Mathurin

Most naked people seen out of the corner of an eye

The most recorded naked people seen out of one person's eyes was 75 during a 58 day period in October 1996. Such a precise measurement is possible because the person in question was Australian policeman Sean Maduire, and each occurrence was recorded in his official reports as an occurrence of indecent public exposure. After two months Maduire was convinced that there was a ring of radical hippie nudist performance artists operating in Melbourne, but when he tried to create a special police task force to deal wit them, a combination of optical and psychiatric therapy demanded by his superiors revealed that no more than three of his reports related to actual events. Maduire was required to take a 2 month vacation on half pay, and then returned to active duty.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Worst Bargain

The worst bargain ever is officially recognised as being the 2002 transaction between Kim Jong-Il, the ruler of North Korea, and an anonymous seller on the website ebay.com, of a third of his country’s GDP for the year, in exchange for a video boxset of the BBC situation comedy The Vicar of Dibley. When the seller took a month to post the item to him, Kim left them negative feedback on the website, threatening to bomb Somerset in retribution for the perceived insult.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Worst Theme Party

The worst ever theme party was thrown in 1996 by the Kwik Stop Service Station Corporation. Their Christmas party that year was a “normal day at work” party. When the staff had finished working they were taken, by coach, to another Kwik Stop Service Station, which was closed for the evening (for fumigation due to start the next day, because of an infestation of Earwigs), where they waited, in uniform, behind counters and tills, serving the management for 4 hours, with a 15 minute “themed lunch break window”, in which they could sit in the unventilated staff room, where the coffee machine was set to ‘free vend’. The vending machine in question had run out of Bovril. Although staff were told they could be fired if they did not return to their till on time, or if they left early, they were told they would not be paid. “Who would seriously expect us to pay our staff to attend their own party?” asked the regional manager, Phillip Strubb. The company was able to claim a tax rebate on the cost of the evening by claiming it as “business expenses”.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

The most pointless conspiracy

The most pointless conspiracy ever was carried out by the people of the town of Manjchien, in Namibia. During the mayoral re-election campaign of 1998, the townsfolk, the mayor, Lloyd Mingee, and the wife of his opponent, Pambanour Seclun, conspired to have the words “vote for me if you love doodoo” tattooed onto Seclun’s forehead, after drugging him during the mayoral debates. No outsiders have been able to get an explanation as to why from the people of Manjchien.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Most Annoying Man in Europe

The most annoying man in Europe is Stephan Thatcher of Middlesex, Britain. He was certified by a panel of behavioural experts and sociologists in May 1982. Professor Archie Fisting, a member of the panel, said, “It is difficult to say exactly what makes young Steven so annoying. He’s not significantly more ignorant than most members of the public; it may be a particular quality of his voice, his face, his taste in music. We’re not entirely sure, but he’s just much more annoying than any subject I have ever observed.”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Most argumentative novelist

The most confrontational novelist is Geoffry Thorne of Los Angeles, America. The ratio of arguments to published work, has run at around 86 to 2 between 2006 to 2008. His recorded arguments, carried out over print media, blogs, message boards and in person, range in topics from race and politics to literature, creative writing, history, whether he wrote the original screenplays for several Hollywood blockbusters (Thorne denies being in any way connected to the 2005 Michael Bay movie The Island, despite dogged internet rumours), and science. Commenting after Thorne's third fistfight of the 2007 convention season, event organiser told Wizard Magazine, "Geoff's a great writer, but we're all worried that one day he's really going to hurt someone."

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

World's worst poet

The world’s worst poet is Guistaffe Archburger, of Brussels in Belgium. He was awarded the title by a panel of judges in 1953, in recognition of his work The Belly-Dancer’s Colanders. This epic, 732-page work recounts a journey from his studio to the local street market to buy a sack of cat litter. Accepting the award, Archburger declared, “Some would be ashamed of collecting this award. I am far too pretentious to care. I would like to thank the panel, as I had not even realised that every line in the poem ended with the word ‘fortnight’ until they pointed it out.”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

World's biggest piece of cheese

The world’s biggest piece of cheese was made by Hamza Akhrash, a Kazakhstani farmer between January and July 1995. Hamza told the national news programme he produced the hunk of Gouda, weighing 3.4 metric tonnes, “because my home town lacked a tourist attraction. Now I hope the council will be able to build a municipal swimming baths.”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Most dangerous Music

The world’s most dangerous music is the “post-industrial-folk-prog-jazz-blood-rock-fusion-muzack” of Onasis Pippins and The Grotty Supply Cupboard, of Switzerland. Their music has been known to cause such severe bleeding of the eardrums that members of the crowd at their concerts have been known to drown. In 1982, one fan, Pierre Schashlik, was deafened by running his finger along the outer rim of their LP There’s a Firebomb in my Baby’s Crevice.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Biggest snot bubble

The biggest nasal mucus bubble was blown by 5-year old Zeke McCluskin of Melbourne, Australia in June 1989. His brother Samuel said, “Zeke started crying when he realised I lied about Hulk Hogan coming to our school, and at first we just wanted him to stop, because he always gets a big snot bubble and it’s gross. But then after 15 minutes the bubble was still getting bigger, so I told my cousin Bill to get a ruler and a camera. Zeke nearly stopped crying while Bill was away, so I had to poke him with a stick a few times, and the bubble actually got bigger.” The final bubble measured 28.7cm across. Although the boys insist the bubble didn’t pop for 32 minutes, the record still stands with Anil Bulpa of Bangalore, India, who sustained a bubble for 3 hours 17 minutes and 20 seconds in 1964.

EDIT:

Click here for the infographic version.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Town with most Fire Stations

The town with the most Fire Stations is Guantalolopea, in Venezuela, which has 17 stations within its 5 mile square borders, due to an article in the town charter demanding that a new station be built every 11 years. Mayor Hector Valzabamor said, “The last time we tried to change the article in the charter, it resulted in three houses falling into the river. Some say it was the hurricane, but we decided it was safer to keep building stations.” The record was previously held by Slopjke, a town in Croatia, which had 21 stations all on one block. However, 5 were destroyed when a Fire Engine exploded in its bay in 2001, due to a portable toaster being left plugged into the cigarette lighter on the dashboard for 17 hours.
copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Most Kinder Egg Surprises

The record for most Kinder Egg Surprise toys is 52, 514, owned by Martin Parsley of Norwich. Asked about his collection, he said, “I started collecting them in 1984, but the funny thing is, it wasn’t until 1991 that I realised there were toys in the little yellow thingies, so you can imagine my surprise!”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Longest Goal Celebration

The longest ever goal celebration lasted 3 months. In the final match of the season between the Spanish local league clubs San Leppe and El Porcos on the 15^th June 1982, Porcos midfielder Salvatore Despuidas scored an injury-time winner, helping his club avoid relegation. Removing his shirt, he ran screaming off the pitch, straight down the road to a Carmelite monastery, where he took a vow of silence and became a monk. It was assumed that he’d left the club, but, during a training session before El Porcos’ first match of the next season, Despuidas appeared, running, screaming onto the pitch, wearing the same kit he’d worn on the 15^th of June, and took a place on the substitutes bench. When his story made the local paper he told the interviewer, 

“I promised myself that if I scored I would have a very special celebration. This came to me in a flash, and although I maybe regretted it at a couple of points, I felt I had to see it through.”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Longest-held swear word

The longest-held swear word was a 92 second “knob”, uttered by Scottish radio phone-in host Alex MacClaxon, on his show, Claxon Sounds Off, on 23^rd November 2003. Many listeners protested that the drawn-out swear word could only have been produced with the aid of studio trickery, but the Scottish MP he was interviewing at the time testified to its authenticity.

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Worst Blaxpoitation Movie

The worst ever Blaxploitation movie was the 1978 production, Brother T-Rex, starring Odell Hazelwood as Terrence “Brother T-Rex” Lucas, an African-American archaeologist, based in Queens, New York, with Cleona Versailles as his assistant Latysha “Galaxy Hazelnut” Shaw. The plot involved Lucas protecting the remains of an ancient African kingdom from historical revisionist, Ku-Klux-Klan, CIA-funded ninja monks. The film is often cited as an inspiration for Steven Spielberg and George Lucas’ Indiana Jones series of films, despite the fact that neither of them could have seen it, as the film was destroyed after it’s first showing in a Harlem cinema for being, according to the proprietor, Madame Fiji Moses, “too damn booty for words.”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin

Dead cat swinging

The World record for smallest room in which a dead cat was swung was set by Sicilian Guillermo Piccolo in September 1984. He swung the corpse of his family’s 3-Year old pet cat Franco in the 1.3m² bathroom of their apartment. He said afterwards, “This was our way of giving Franco immortality before we buried her. She was a good pet.”

copyright © 2008 James Mathurin