Shortest hard - back novel

The shortest hard-back novel ever published was Visits to the Nabobs by Gwynne Arbunathapathy, published in 1942, “a jolly account of one travelling family of cobblers’ encounters with ancient Druids, set in the Welsh valleys”, according to one review. Although the book was 354 pages long, the story only filled the last 56 pages of it, while 110 of the previous pages were filled with the author’s exhaustive list of people he wished to thank (including every member of the Lithuanian consulate in Canada, “without whom a third of this book would have been hopelessly inaccurate”), and a further 183 pages contained the list of who the book was dedicated to, a list which included every member of Arbunathapathy’s exhaustively researched family tree, going back 17 generations.

Gwynne Arbunathapathy, pictured here with her publisher Gilly 'Private' Bryden, who received some 7 pages of dedication in her book. From the collection by adobemac

©2009 James Mathurin

First telephoned death-threat

The first ever telephoned death-threat was made on April 23^rd 1902, from Ethan Bitherwick-Showes to his school-friend Parker Johns, when Bitherwick-Showes discovered that Johns had framed him for the theft of their boarding schools ceremonial rain-hat, during their third year at MacWortie’s School for Young Gentlemen. When his fiancee let the secret slip, Bitherwick-Showes immediately telephoned Johns, screaming, “I swear Sir, that I shall beat you to death with a mahogany lavatory seat!”

An unrepentant Bitherwick-Showes, pictured in 1905, attending a civil prosecution brought about due to his 'persistent and obsessive nagging and prattling' of Parker Johns. He was found guilty, and fined 3/6. Photo by Paul Stevenson.

©2009 James Mathurin

Worst artificial foodstuff

The worst artificial foodstuff ever developed was ‘NewHam’, a “cheap, delicious substitute for everyone’s favourite sandwich filling,” developed by the ICU Corporation in response to the infamous ‘Botswana Pork Shortage’ of 1956. The product was mainly derived from quilts and salt, and was said to cause, “choking, swelling of the veins, and irritation of the eyes.”

The photograph that led to the international community's banning of 'New-Ham', taken in Botswana in 1976, documented as showing the results of a plate of 'New-Ham' being allowed to dehydrate in the Sun for 16 hours. This phenomenon of 'New-Ham' separating into it's component parts of quilt, salt and preservatives was believed to be responsible for up to 56 deaths and 743 upset stomachs. Photo by FirstBaptistNashville.

©2009 James Mathurin

Most argumentative person

The most argumentative person in the world was Alexei Shamunshumovich, who lived in Leningrad in the former USSR. Over the course of his 46 years, he challenged the details on his Birth Certificate 22 times, going so far as to charge his parents with fraud on 7 occasions. 

He only ever worked as a mechanic, despite his supervisor trying unsuccessfully to have him fired 9 times, because he argued so much that he rarely got any work done. He argued so vociferously at every attempt to fire him, that he was never actually fired, although he also argued passionately that his supervisor was wrong to take him back every time. 

He was sentenced to death in 1956 when he jumped onto the podium at an official Communist Party rally, in order to insist that Lenin was not in fact the father of Communism, but was an Algerian carrot vendor, insisting, “Anyone who cannot see that I am right is a Menshevik War Criminal!” 

Although he had his sentence of Death by Firing Squad commuted at the last moment, he successfully argued that allowing him to live would send out the wrong message, and so was promptly executed.

A photo of Shamunshumovich, aged 25, on show in Moscow as a tribute to 'dissenters everywhere, no matter how pointless.' Photo by rwhgould.

©2009 James Mathurin

Most shameless politician

The world’s most shameless politician is Armando Ciabbatta of Italy. While being interviewed on national television in 1978 on charges of corruption, he reacted to a question he didn’t like by bribing the interviewer, Toni Moccietto while still on camera. When the interviewer refused the money, Ciabbatta demanded, “That’s not enough? Well tough, I’ve been spending too much money buying votes to waste it on the likes of you!”

Toni Moccietto photographed as Armando Ciabbata stormed out of the studio, photographed by robertgaal.

©2009 James Mathurin

Worst ever hiring policy

The worst ever hiring policy of a business was adjudged by the DeToille business school to be that of International Patio Heaters inc. who, during the summer of 1996, only employed people if they had “business-oriented surnames.” They abandoned the policy after one of their deliverymen changed his name from Paul Goodsock to William Outsidethebox and was immediately promoted to Director of Human Resources, whereupon he doubled the salaries of the other deliverymen.

Outsidethebox, née Goodsock, leaving work for the last time, after being sacked for misappropiation of resources. An anonymous source suggested that he had actually been fired for "taking the piss." Photo by Ihuiz.

©2009 James Mathurin

Worst impression ever

The worst impression ever was performed by Darmuid O’Houghlahan, from Derry, Ireland. After being heard doing his self-styled ‘world-famous Elvis Presley impersonation’ in a public house in 1985, he was employed by ITN to use the same voice to dub over speeches by Gerry Adams, leader of Sinn Fein.

Gerry Adams, pictured here in 2004, at the unveiling of O’Houghlahan Street in Derry, named after Darmuid for his continuing charity work in raising awareness of 'Toe Rot'. Photo by albertw

©2009 James Mathurin